It is difficult to explain depression to those who have not suffered. It is even harder to navigate the minefield of conflicting information that tells you what you should do to heal from this dreadful illness. I have walked the road with my daughter for 15 years, so my perspective is that of a mother. I am also a teacher and learner, so this post comes also from the mind of a researcher, who has spent thousands of hours searching for a way forward for my daughter and our family.
My daughter is one of over 2 million people in Australia who suffer with depression. The alarming news is that numbers are increasing in every age group, especially the young. According to the WHO depression is now the number 1 cause of human suffering and disability (above cancer and heart disease). This means that the chances are that we all know someone who is suffering. Many in silence, too ashamed or confused to ask for help. Others whose lives have fallen completely apart. Understanding depression and what you can do about it could be the difference between life or death.
Depression is the family secret every family has.
The suffering of depression should not be underestimated. One sufferer described depression as “a slow way of being dead”. Another described it as “I couldn’t muster any emotions, and it wasn’t just some tasks that were too hard to face, it was life itself. I had no reason to live, no purpose, no sense of who I was and no future. I was a shell with no possibility of changing.”
From all my readings I would like to share with you the 10 things you can try today to help if you or someone you love is experiencing depression. These underpin which the support I offer my daughter. These are the ‘sermon’ I preach to the ‘unconverted’ and the source of encouragement I gives to sufferers and their families in my work as an advocate, counsellor and mentor. I hope they offer you some insight. They are all well founded and there is nothing in any of these strategies that is not validated. They also come from personal experience- they are what is working for my daughter. I hope they offer you some direction.
Can I start by suggesting you read my post ‘10 things everyone should know about depression’. I suggest this because we all have a view deep within ourselves that determines how we see information that comes before us. I have a view of an interconnected body that is capable of self-healing if we get out of its way. I believe our health is in our responsibility and that healing is possible. This view has grown during my journey with my daughter, and you will see this view in the way we approach depression. This post may help you as a foundation before you plunge into how to tackle depression. Understanding what it is, how it operates and what it does to the sufferer really comes first. Here is a summary of the 10 core understandings in that post:
1. Depression is a tragically misunderstood and misused term.
2. Depression is caused by an over activated stress response which alters the nervous system and causes a profound disruption in our chemical functioning.
3. Depression is a lifestyle disease - our bodies were not designed to live the way we do.
4. Trauma often underpins significant depression.
5. There are risk factors and protective factors that determine our level of vulnerability.
6. Drugs are part of the answer have not been a game changer.
7. Depression is not permanent, it can lift, it can be healed.
8. Healing starts with you.
9. Healing continues with someone who walks beside you.
10. Depression and physical illness are interconnected.
If you are suffering with depression, you are not weak, you are not crazy, you are not broken you are a normal human being with un-met needs.
The first step I would suggest is that you take a hard and honest look at the lifestyle and habits you have developed. Depression changes you. It seeks to keep you isolated in a false attempt to keep you safe. Every single action and behaviour that depression triggers has a very logical and clear purpose as far as the body is concerned. The fact that oi makes you paralysed and unable to function is sort of irrelevant to the body. Its number 1 jib is too keep you safe and it thinks it is doing that. Depression makes you change your life style and the cycle of depression begins.
So, The first step is to identify which of the traps has your depression caught you in? Your depression will be telling you to do 10 things it believes will help keep you safe- remember - it is coming from a faulty perspective. Do a little check list. What do you score out of 10? Many people with depression manage a quiet smile as they recognise which of these fits with them. Chances are most depressed people do a number or all of these.
The 10 things depression tries to make you do
1. The world is dangerous. Stay still, stay inside, don’t do anything that makes you breathe fast or hard or put you in danger of exposure.
2. People are dangerous. Isolate yourself, avoid other people. If you can’t avoid other people, try to talk to the same people or few people and talk to them about the same topic.
3. Scan for danger. See the negative and danger in everything so you can be prepared.
4. Sleep as much as you can to conserve energy. In the day in a dark room so you are away from danger.
5. Remember the past so you don't get hurt again. Recall the past again and again to remind yourself of your fears and resentments and then find someone else to blame. Be suspicious of the future as it can harm you. Imagine the future that will be the same or worse in the past or present so you will remain frozen and not act.
6. Eat sugar and fat to get the sugar hit to build reserves.
7. Don’t pursue hobbies, passions, or spiritual interest as they will use you energy you need to save.
8. Do not take control. Live in a situation where you have very little control, and you are the victim so you can avoid risk.
9. Dull your senses. Drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes, and or use other drugs as this will seem to dull the pain.
10. Stay alone. Don’t ask for help because you believe no one understands or can help you
We now know that so many of these behaviours make it worse. They keep us stuck.
So, we have to try and turn off our brain. Ignore what is telling us it wants to do. We are not broken or crazy.We just have to find a way to let our brain know we are safe. It’s that easy! Well, maybe not easy, but certainly possible.
So, how do we do that?
Because these messages come from the primitive part of the brain (the Limbic system) they can’t be turned off by our logical mind. You can’t say, “don’t be depressed”. It doesn’t work that way. That’s why a lot of medications and the cognitive (thinking) approaches are often of limited success. If you want to work with changing your nervous system (your brain is a part of that), you have two options. You can learn to regulate your nervous system responses from the top down from the bottom up.
Top-down regulation involves strengthening the capacity of the amygdala to monitor your body sensations and make sure it gets it right and creates a response matching the real situation- not the imagined one it is seeing. This involves self-soothing strategies like mindfulness, meditation, and yoga.
or
Bottom-up regulation involves re-calibrating the autonomic nervous system and brain and shifting your energy system, so it stops reacting to the world around it in such a debilitating way.
The strategies below do a combination of both as we learn to turn off the sympathetic side of the nervous system that is designed to activate us when we are in “fight or flight and
to turn on the parasympathetic (especially the Vagus nerve) which tells us to rest and relax.
There is growing evidence that each of the things listed below change our neural chemistry and protect us from the stress of our lives and reduce inflammation this stress causes the body. Each one in some way contributes to turning off the stress response that is altering our chemistry and resulting in many maladaptive responses, including depression.
So, here are my top 10 strategies, ways to do that. I think of them as the natural DIY way to change your brain to shift your depression, because you can do them yourself. They cost very little, have no side effects and will improve EVERY aspect of your health. You have nothing to lose. I do not however mean that for some people with significant depression these are the only strategies. There are a number of emerging treatments offered by skilled professionals that can really help sufferers whose depression is caused by significant underlying trauma. Maybe that’s another post…..
10 DIY Brain Changing Anti-depressants
1. Movement
2. Sleep
3. Food
4. Brain Growth
5. Connection to nature
6. Connection to others
7. Connection to self
8. Mindset
9. Your relationship with depression
10. Your patterns of behaviour
Let’s look at these one at a time
1. Movement: Our natural medication
This one is at number one position for a reason. It is the BEST single thing you can do. It is more powerful than any medication. If you could put the beneficial impacts into a tablet, I have no doubt it would be the best selling medication of all time! It accesses your subconscious and shifts your body and brain chemistry. It tells your body you are well and safe. It fuels your cells. Our ancestors had 4 hrs of significant activity a day. That’s what our bodies are designed to have. They did not exercise and to indigenous societies today the concept is alien - they don’t exercise -they live. Exercise as we do it today is not natural- we are designed to live not exercise- our brains scream out- don’t do it- you are not going anywhere-there is no purpose. So even though we know it’s good for us it’s hard to convince our brain of that.
Our body loves significant, purposeful activity. I don’t even like to call it exercise. Movement is best when it is natural and social. A brisk walk with a pulse of 120-150 is enough. Or dancing. Both beat Zoloft (one of the top selling anti-depressants) if you do them for 30 mins 3 times a week. It is a bonus if you sweat (if not take a sauna) as that helps remove toxins.
2. Sleep: Our natural healer.
One of the biggest risk factors for depression is sleep deprivation. Nature did not make us sleep for 1/3 of our day without a good reason. The more complex and demanding our brains became the more sleep we needed to restore and heal. Our ancestors went to bed when the sun went down. Yet many of us underestimate its importance and forgo sleep for long nights at work, late night movies or socialisation. “Burning the candle at both ends” just about sums it up. We forget we must have regular and sound sleep.
The long-term effects of poor sleep are profound, especially for depression sufferers. Sleep is important for SO many things. The big one is emotional calming, balance, slowing of anxiety and a sense of clarity. When your grandmother said, “it will be alright in the morning” she was usually right. During sleep, brain activity increases in the parts of the brain that regulate emotions. Sleep and mental health are intertwined. When you get enough sleep, the amygdala can respond in a more adaptive way. But if you’re sleep deprived the amygdala is more likely to overreact.
On top of that obvious advantage there are other benefits:
· Immunity- sleep is a healing state. The body can’t heal when it is in flight or flight mode. The lymphatic system for healing does much of its work at rest.
· Memory consolidation
· Brain Functioning and Detox
· Weight Maintenance
· Cell Restoration
· Insulin Function
Insufficient sleep leaves people vulnerable to attention lapses, reduced cognition, delayed reactions, mood shifts and a higher risk for certain medical conditions including obesity, type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, and early death.
While everyone varies in the amount of sleep they need, the average is approximately 8 hours of sleep per night. For sufferers of depression this may look like an impossibility. To make that happen you can do several things:
1. Limit caffeine and alcohol 3 hrs before bed
2. Consider Aromatherapy
3. Exercise during the day- but at least 4 hours before bed.
4. Get sunlight in the morning- it keeps the body clock on track.
5. Get the right environment- Temperature 21 degrees- keep the room dark and quiet.
6. Take a break from the news and social media before bed- they can increase anxiety.
7. Turn off your computer and phone 30-60 minutes before bed-
8. Don't check your phone when you're in bed- don't sleep with your phone next to you
9. Find positive outlets for your stress, emotions – a racing mind is hard to still.
10. Keep a consistent bedtime routine that includes a relaxing activity such as reading, listening to music, a bath or cup of herbal tea, meditation- and gives you 7-8 hrs a night.
If you want more information on how sleep works, check out my How are you sleeping? 10 tips that will improve your sleep and health.
3. Food
There is significant evidence to suggest that diet quality makes a big difference. When looking for the cause of any imbalance in the body and the brain we now know that the food we put in our body makes a difference. I’m not sure why it took us so long to work that one out? Again, it’s a case of relearning what our ancestors knew.
There is a link between depression and poor diet and evidence that high intakes of fruit, vegetables, fish, and whole grains are associated with a reduced risk of depression. It’s no coincidence that the rise in mental health problems in the last 50 years also accompanies a rise in the consumption of processed foods and less fresh fruits and vegetables.
1. Protein: The feel-good neurotransmitters, serotonin and dopamine are both made up of amino acids, in other words, proteins.
2. B vitamins: B vitamins play a key role in the conversion of these amino acids into neurotransmitters. B vitamins tend to be in whole grains, spinach, kidney beans, chickpeas, lentils, quinoa, salmon, tofu, eggs, and pecan nuts.
3. Healthy fats: Food rich in good fats include oily fish, such as salmon, sardines and mackerel as well as avocado and walnuts.
4. Your gut: Around 95 per cent of serotonin is produced in the gut and your gut flora plays a role in ensuring a healthy digestive tract. Ensure plenty of fibre to promote the “good” bacteria, and reduce the sugars, which will feed the unhealthy “bad” bacteria and increase inflammation. Fermented foods like kimchi, miso, sauerkraut, and pickles will provide the good bacteria and will help to contribute to a healthy digestive system or maybe a probiotic.
5. Sugar: Avoiding refined sugars will also contribute to a better mood. Sugars are quickly absorbed into the blood, providing a surge of energy. This will soon be followed by an energy dip which will further contribute to anxiety and feeling low. Instead, choose complex carbohydrates.
6. Hormones: An imbalance of the sex hormones oestrogen and progesterone can affect the way the neurotransmitters serotonin, dopamine, and GABA work on the brain. Eating phytoestrogen foods helps all vegetables as well as beans and pulses.
7. Weight: The suggestion is that obesity adds further inflammation to an already inflamed brain. Reducing weight to a healthy level is important to help reduce the risk of developing depression.
Put simply, some foods inflame the brain that is already inflamed by stress. Cut down processed food, buy organic when you can, increase vegies and decrease meat, reduce diary and gluten, reduce sugar and white rice and bread (these are addictive), increase fibre, avoid Genetically Modified (GM) Foods, and read the labels.
4. Brain Growth: The way to brain healing
For our brains to respond differently to stress, they must have the capacity to grow new pathways. This is called neurogenesis and is also vital to overall brain health especially in terms of brain degeneration illnesses like Alzheimer’s. Disease. Like depression Alzheimer’s is a disease of the inflamed brain. There are several suggested ways we can do this but the big two are:
Leaning new repetitive and demanding tasks
They say that there is no better way to reactive the brain then to learn new tasks. Learning a language or an instrument, writing a book or studying are all repetitive, sustained and demand thinking. This may seem way too much in the throes of depression, but the impact will be felt down the track. It also provides goals, a sense of completion and pride in yourself.
Omega 3 Fatty acids
Our brain is 60% fat. There are only 2 essential fats we can’t make that our brains rely upon. Omega 3 (grasses, plants and algae and the animals that eat them- a great anti-inflammatory) and Omega 6 (grains and seeds and the animals that eat them- pro-inflammatory). We need them both in our diets at a ratio of 1:1. Studies indicate that in balance they help serotonin and dopamine circuits in our brains function more efficiently. The bad news is that the modern western diet is 17: 1 with 17times more Omega 6 fats (the inflammation maker).
There is a lot of evidence that EPA 1000-2000 mg per day is an anti-depressant as powerful as any anti-depressant medication.
5. Connection to nature
As usual, your grandma was right, sunshine is important. Try to get 10 mins at the start of every day. But so too are the smells and sounds of nature. The vibrations and frequency are calming, and the smells of a forest go straight to the brain to stimulate healing. Standing barefoot on the earth grounds your energy. Add the positive ions of the surf and the frequency of water sounds and, you can see why humans love walking along the beach.
6. Connection to others Challenging Isolation- Restoring Connection
Humans are not made to be lone wolves and we don’t do well in isolation. Our ancestors lived in small tight knit communities. Rarely did we do anything alone, and community members looked to each other for entertainment, comfort, safety, and support. Our ancestors spent all day every day in the company of others, it was impossible to survive if you were not a part of the tribe. We are VERY social creatures and isolation; loneliness and exclusion are as harmful as any toxin.
Our social world has changed .We are not in clubs, we don’t go out as much, we don’t have people over as much, we spend less time with family, 25% say they have no one to confide in, we have less close friends (having 5 is a protective factor), , 1/3 single parents, less people in our households, more people live alone, don’t go to church, don’t eat meals together, live in big houses on our own. Today ½ of Americans state that they don’t have a close friend, ¼ have no contact with any immediate family. No wander we are in trouble.
The irony is when we become depressed and need our tribe the most there is less motivation to seek out others for socializing. Our brain may interpret depression as an illness or as the stress response to say we are in danger. Our natural inclination when depressed is to withdraw from our social networks. Our brain makes us irritable and negative so people will withdraw from us. Unfortunately, this worsens depression.
We have disbanded our tribes and are now living with the consequences
When we are stuck in survival mode, our energy focus is on fighting off unseen enemies. This leaves little room for nurture, care, or love. The whole world into a gathering of strangers to whom you have no connection. You are out of sync with the people around you and have a searing sense of isolation. Some even suggest that depression is an illness of social isolation.
So, get out there. The more you connect the quicker you come out of depression Talking and sharing with people really is as strong as any medicine- and the science proves it. Get out of your head and into the world, don’t think- do! Be of service to others as giving is very powerful. Force yourself even when you don’t want to. Just being in the presence of others helps even if we don’t feel we are connecting. Just belonging to the group send a powerful signal to the brain that we belong, and we matter. It is important to lean on friends and family, not only to get needed social support, but also because spending time with others is a good way to distract yourself from rumination.
Isolation is a worse risk factor than smoking
7. Connection to self
We need to understand what our body and mind are trying to tell us. This includes understanding and managing the sensations in our body and the stories in our heads.
Our Emotions, feelings and thoughts dictate our actions and behaviours. We need to understand what drives them and how to manage the negative ones so that they don't "run the show". There are many ways that we can work lovingly with our emotions and thoughts and appreciate the job they are trying to do. It’s not about fighting or taming them but working with them. We will all have developed own strategies to help us understand our emotions, as every single human will have had faced difficult times- it’s just a part of living. Sometimes you will just have done things to calm yourself without thinking as your body guides you. You may have found things that work through trial and error. If these work for you, well done. But if you or those you love have times where emotions get stuck and negative thoughts cloud your judgement, then maybe some of these strategies might help.
Whichever combination of tools you use you can start with the same 4 questions to yourself to help you reflect on what is going on in your body and mind. Be curious and gentle with yourself. Just asking…..
What has triggered this?
We all have triggers that set off a cascade of emotions and feelings. They often come from our senses. It might be a sound, a sight or a smell. Jasmine reminds me of my mum and nutmeg of my nana’s kitchen. Shouting voices scare me and feeling out of control makes me panic. These triggers come from somewhere in my past- sometimes I know where and other times they are just me.
What am I sensing in my body?
We need to become familiar with and befriend the sensations in our body. They are all telling us something. Angry people live in angry bodies. Sad people live in sad bodies. We need to notice and describe the feelings in our body, not the emotions but the pressure, heat, tension, hollowness, or restriction. We then need to identify the sensations associated with relaxation and pleasure. We need to pay attention to the subtle shift in their bodies.
Am I making a choice? Name what it is you are thinking and feeling- don’t get hooked into it- a thought hooks you and you escalate the problems- allow a space between an action and a reaction- I choose if I react or respond (appropriate). Know that the space is there- know that the stores are not yours- practice and you CAN make the space bigger. Change your posture, change your face expression it changes your physiology. Hold this in a different way.
What is my story? Is it true?. Accept the reality as it is. I supposed to be……you judge yourself……why do I deserve this…what did I do wrong to deserve this……. Identify the story- ask if it is true- is it really true? Check out BYRON KATIE- she amazing work in this space!!! What is the underlying emotion?- Name what it is you are feeling and what emotion underpins it. There is a deep reactive emotion there somewhere. Look for it.
If you want to own and work with your emotions, your brain gives you two options. You can learn to regulate your emotions from the top down from the bottom up.
Top-down regulation involves strengthening the capacity of the amygdala to monitor your body sensations and know the difference. This involves self-soothing strategies like mindfulness, meditation, and yoga.
Bottom-up regulation involves re-calibrating the autonomic nervous system and brain and shifting your energy system, so it stops reacting in the moment.
We have to turn off the sympathetic side of the nervous system that is designed to activate us when we are in “fight or flight.
We have to turn on the parasympathetic (especially the Vagus nerve) which tells us to rest and releax.
To shift the energy and nervous system from a place of overwhelm we must distract the brain so that delta waves are produced, change neurones, alter the emotional memory, shift our energy fields, and switch off the fight or flight response. Sound hard? Not really.
We can only access the autonomic nervous system to do that through our senses, breath, and movement.
Here are some of the ways you can work with your thoughts and emotions:
Senses
Touch: EFT, Havening, Thought Filed Therapy, Acupressure
Smell: Aromatherapy
Sight: Visualisation, Colour Therapy, Neurolinguistic Programming
Sound: Sound Therapy, mantras
Breathing
Box Breathing
Central channel and Belly breathing
Lions’ Breath
Alternate nostril breathing
Movement
Simple rhythmic movement- drumming
Energy routines
Yoga
Emotions can be more real than facts
If you want to know more working with your thoughts, feelings and emotions check out the post “How are you managing your thoughts and emotions? Top strategies and ideas.”
Your thoughts are not you-they keep feelings going- if you don’t like them then make a new story.
8. Mindset: A future with Possibilities: Purpose- Hope-less suffering- anti- rumination
In the past people had little time to sit alone and think negative thoughts. There were often things to do, or other people around to serve as distractions. Today people find they have plenty of opportunity to let their mind run away with them. Many people get into a habit of dwelling on negative thoughts and feelings rather than coming up with a solution and acting on it. This is called rumination and people with depression often experience this as they let their negative thoughts spiral out of control. They need to see it when it starts, decide to shift focus and redirect into activity, social interaction, or gratitude to stop it in it tracks before it takes hold.
People suffering depression can’t see a future- just a painful now. They can be pulled through towards something worth living for. They can find ways to forget the past and present and focus on the future. Language needs to change to “WHEN you come out of the depression not IF” as the establish a post- depression perspective. Problems need to be turned into preferences, positive expectations put into language and a post-depression perspective created. Vision boards, gratitude journals and letters to a future self may work.
People who are depressed often have all or nothing thinking and cast a negativity slant on everything. This is their body not wanting them to take risks. They do need to decide to take a completely new direction with a new view of their life and experiences. It’s time to remove the focus from the depression- it just makes it worse- don’t talk to loved ones about the depression- it makes you depressed- don’t deny or minimise it- but just sit with it.
You can feel hopeless and still have hope
9. Your relationship with depression: - tolerate it- our needs are our greatest asset.
We need to value depression and seek the meaning- you may not find it but seek it anyway. There are several things you can try:
Mindfulness- Noticing without judging. MBCT is as effective as medication, don’t go into your head- you stay better longer.
Externalizing- Learning to move the thoughts from domination and intrusion (Narrative Therapy)- I am a depressed person vs I am depressed. Do you believe everything the depression tells you? Question- it is an external and unwanted influence- it is not you- It is not your identity- it is a thing, when did it dominate, when does it not- build on exceptions, uncover personal qualities of competency, create new stories.
Valuing depression-Stop resisting to reduce the suffering. Trouble is just trouble, grief is just grief- seek the value, it helps focus and to think deeply
Acceptance: This is a tough one but until you can accept the world and yourself- the journey can’t really begin.
Follow your wound: You can be angry - making meaning and finding direction from the crisis and pain of the depression. Depression provides clues of what to do with your life- Follow your blisters rather than your bliss. Transform the negatives into positive energy- don’t just use them as wounds.
Shutting out the depression strengthens it/when you hide from it it grows
10. Your patterns of behaviour Positivity, focus, new routines, and activity.
Depression is like a bad trance, where you go through the motions with little thought. Doing what you have always done, existing in safe but often unhelpful routines. We all know how patterns work and how hard they are to break. First, we must know we are doing it and recognise them as destructive. You can then look at shifting your patterns. Change the location, the sequence, the timing, what you are wearing, the colours, the smells and the people involved. These routines and patterns are not like triggers which prompt a reaction but rather a safe repetitive process, that the sufferer knows is negative, but they can’t stop. Positive Psychology teaches you to focus on the non- depressed time. And the acknowledgement of possibility. Draw a map of a good day or a stressed day. Find patterns of non- depression and ask what moved you into the depression. What were the exception, when didn’t you move into the depression? What are the patterns and habits- which bits can you influence? How do you create depression- where are your moments of choice? What are the things you can use to undo?
The opposite of depression is not happiness but vitality
So, there you have it. The things we have found most helpful. Some we try to use all the time and they have become our language. Others we used at different time during our journey. I hope they give you some ideas. My best wishes and thoughts are with you.
Annie
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